Senior Spring

Senior spring was a time that I will never be able to properly put into words.

It was a season of early mornings and late nights. Of more rehearsals that I would have thought possible, of running and dancing and singing with everything we had. It was a time of roles I'd dreamt of, of the opportunity to work underneath pure genius.

It was a season of friendship. Of practically living with my best friend and somehow never getting sick of each other. Of putting our all into maintaining relationships, no matter the exhaustion and lack of time. Of 'how are you' texts and 'tell me about your day' phone calls. People who were always there for an encouraging word. Of learning who cared enough to keep things strong, even when life was crazy.

Senior spring was way too much shopping. It was wondering why on earth it's so difficult to find a white dress. (Hint: Altar'd State is your best friend.) It was prom dress option after prom dress option before finally deciding on the dress I fell in love with from day one, of hours spent looking through dance costumes and swearing that I would never online shop again as long as I live.

It was prom. Of not even knowing if I really wanted to go, but having the best time. Prom was swing dancing with old friends and endless photobooth strips and dance circles and going out to eat until two in the morning. It was singing along to all of the songs at the top of our lungs like we didn't have rehearsal in the morning. It was swirling skirts and flying curls and people I love and laughter.

Senior spring was the most bittersweet. It was knowing that things would never be completely the same after May 12th came around, and fighting to enjoy every moment of it because of that. To soak in the minutes, the details, the things I never want to forget. Hugs and conversations scribbled in the pages of my mind forever.

It was hard. It was exhaustion almost all the time and feeling like nothing would ever be good enough, like I would never be good enough. That I'd bitten off more than I could chew but had to make it all perfect anyways, no matter what it took. Thinking that I had to be everything for everyone, and being determined to do it. Determination, a wonderful character trait that walks such a fragile line.

It was a season of learning. Of learning that I can do more than I would have thought, but learning that I can't do it all, and learning that that's okay. Of trying to remember that I can't be a superhero, and that no one expects that. Of learning to breathe through it and keep at it.

It was endless spontaneity despite the craziest of schedules. Pockets of time for adventures, ice cream for lunch and thirty minute road trips to nowhere. Fitting in as much as possible with the 24 hours given.

Senior spring was dreaming way too big, and fighting to make it happen anyways. Creativity thrust into overdrive. Pushing and working and going going going to make it a reality. Hours upon hours upon hours alone in the studio, the music permanently ingrained in my memory. Scribbling down notations at the most frantic of speeds, desperate to remember every fleeting idea. It was endless gratitude for the love and patience and gigantic hearts of the ones who were a part of it, of the senior project that I still can't believe actually happened.

It was a season of provision, in every possible aspect. Of opportunity beyond my wildest dreams. Of Jesus knowing the depths of my heart and whispering yes. Seeing the Lord's hand in everything, opening up doors for the future while keeping me rooted in the moment and helping me get through where I was right then. Holding me up and keeping me grounded while giving me glimpses of the joy and blessings in store.

It was tears. Tears of exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy and fear, but tears of relief and pure gratitude for the kind souls who helped make the load a little lighter. family. the second momma crew. friends who are family in every sense but blood. {cyrus freaking fontaine who saved my senior project + sanity simultaneously and whose praises I will never stop singing. go buy every song he's ever written.}

It was a season that culminated in one big, wonderful night that I'll never forget. Surrounded by nearly everyone I loved, in my favorite place in the world, dancing on that stage one final time. We took it all to the next level as theatre kids tend to do, and walked down the aisle to Don't Stop Believing. That song and the many others of that night (theatre kids, remember?) will forever have the biggest space in my heart.

Senior spring was overwhelming. Overwhelming stress, overwhelming kindness, overwhelming exhaustion, overwhelming gratitude, overwhelming joy. Overwhelming is the only way to describe it. And maybe that's why it's a season that I'll never be able to adequately put into words for anyone, no matter how desperately I want to throw it all onto the page. Sometimes, God's goodness is so grand that it can't be described, and I'm just grateful to have lived it.

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I know that this was so long ago, and doing a senior recap in August is the strangest thing. But the season was so crazy, and in the months since, I haven't been able to write anything that I felt did it justice. So now, almost three months later, I'm processing and taking the time to record it. This blog has followed me since the beginning of freshman year, so it feels wrong not to wrap high school up. Hopefully you all don't mind too much. ♥ Thus, I'm going to have a little baby series running on the blog this month called Senior Saturdays. If you're heading into senior year as I know quite a few people are, hopefully you'll particularly enjoy these, and if you've already graduated, maybe they'll give you a bit of a trip down memory lane. Either way, thanks for popping by this little space of mine. Love you lots. xx